I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
