You're my little dorito
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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