I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
