Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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