Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
