i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
