If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
