go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
