I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
