I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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