finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
i am craving dick and cupcakes
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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