i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
