I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
This is classic penis vs brain.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Randomize
