Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
