my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
