eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
