He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
