you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
