i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
