I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
