I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
