you would pick up someone in the library
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
