guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
