just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
