sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Michael Bay diarrhea
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
