I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
