your parents love me but you hate me
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
