I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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