While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
