neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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