a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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