so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
