NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize