we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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