I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
