apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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