dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
