Your dad touched me again.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
