My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
