Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
