I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
