My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
