im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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