he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.