I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.