I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink