I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
