An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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