ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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