her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
