I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
