You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
