I need help removing her.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
