Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
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I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
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she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED