i was born a porn star she said
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?