Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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