I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
