how can u be prego again
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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