I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
The police scanner is talking about you again....
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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