there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
