you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Randomize
