Well douche your snatch and let's go!
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
