Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
