I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
