dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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