I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
